Live Coaching Call February 19, 2019

1 hour, 9 minute video

As you move through the Healing Plan for Relationship Challenges, you’ll have questions: what about controlling men, narcissists, affairs? Carol answers questions specifically about relationships and reads a portion of her new book to support you in having a healthy energy of creation.

When to Use

You Are Experiencing:

Frustration that men are controlling in your life

Stress from having a relationship with a narcissist

Lack of trust from a partner’s emotional affair

Disruption after your partner read your journal

You Want To:

Create positive experiences with men

Send their energy back to them—magnified

Heal the partnership & let go of the pain

Validate and own your healing experience

Affirmation for this Session:

I am consciously owning the power I have to shift my experience and birth something new for my life.

For Repeat Visits:

Questions begin at 13:35

Session Transcript

Hello, welcome to tonight’s live coaching call. It’s good to support you today. We are focusing on the Relationship Healing Plan as we are doing that as a supported group plan and you would be starting week two. It’s a two-week plan and last week you did week one exercises, which included clearing session for relationship issues, clearing session for dysfunctional family patterns because we repeat those a lot in our own then. We take the family of origin patterns and create them in our immediate family. So it’s what we know, it’s what we have energy patterns that will…you know, we run the energy of it. We’ve never cleaned it out. It’s kind of like an old computer program that we’ve gotta delete so we can create our own pattern within our family. How to change the scripts, which is very powerful in helping shift your perceptions and projecting a different energy on to the people in your life and your partner.

And then clearing your relationship energy centers, which is a function that goes on known to your conscious mind, just like many of your biological systems. So these energy systems are working all the time. And if they’re not up to snuff, they will cause interference when they’re not healthy. So week two, you’re going to be doing the clearing for people pleasing, such a valuable clearing session when it comes to relationships because we’re birthing ourselves from the energy of a hierarchical energy. I talk about this in “Mastering Affluence” where we are shifting from the Piscean era, which we’ve lived in for centuries, which is a dominant-subordinate arrangement, meaning somebody is in charge, somebody is, you know, a leader-follower concept, but it’s all often done in a dysfunctional way in relationships. So people pleasing habits tend to put you in…well, they always put you in the subordinate role so that you’re putting yourself second and you’re accommodating others and you don’t have a sense of your own power in the relationship because the people pleasing will override that.

And as we move into what’s called the Aquarian Age, which we’re well into, we’re creating partnership. And in that partnership, you’ve got to give up things like people pleasing because as you do what’s correct for you, you’re more conscientious then of what then support others. You can turn people pleasing into supportive thoughts, words, deeds, to contribute to your relationship, rather than, “I’ve got to please them to get my needs met.” That was acquired in your childhood. You learned to please your parents because you needed their validation. When you still got that habit running, that pattern playing out, that part of you, your inner child, is running the experience. They’re still believing I have to please my partner so they’ll love and accept me. That’s ready to go because you want to play in your adult energy in your adult relationship.

Clearing session for taking on other people’s energy. The spin. We should have the top five most loved healing sessions. Will this be on it for you? Because I hear about this one all the time. It’s a modern-day issue. And energy sketching. How many of you have done that yet? Incredibly powerful process with a simple approach that came to me a couple of years ago to start sketching what I wanted to influence energy to then materialize and form as. The sketch is a command. It’s like creating a…just like a computer programmer will put in all the coding and the data that you need this behind the scenes of what we’re seeing right here. Like, Sam, my computer programmer, we tell him what it wants to look like, what it needs to do, and he creates all the coding for it. So it does this. Your sketch is like that. Your sketch is like it’s influencing then the outcome, and it’s so amazing.

I know we’ve seen a lot of exciting reports here in the Healing Center of how energy sketching is making that difference. And then clearing session for blame and control is also in week two. That is played out more than any other scenario in our world. Blame is played out more in intimate relationship experiences than any other place in our lives where it’s so easy. What happens is your inner child is running this neediness. Okay? So you’ve got the inner child that has this subconscious ploy to do these, you know, have a certain approach to the relationship, to the think you’ve got to meet someone’s need, take care of them, do what they say, or you’ve got to in an effort to get your own needs met or your needs are not being met, then your adult self feels frustrated because you’re not getting what you want because it’s coming from an ineffective formula. It just doesn’t work successfully. That creates codependency. So the formulation is just flawed. And your adult self then gets angry and blames. And we do this over and over and over. So how many of you relate to that?

What are some of the ahas you’ve been getting in the relationship session? Go ahead and post those in a comment because we’ll share some of those after I do the Q&A. What’s helped you get an epiphany, so to speak. You shift energy in a couple of ways. You shift it whenever you get an aha, a lightbulb moment, an epiphany, your energy changes. And for a good portion of people, they’re so significant that it changes permanently. Your energy shifts when you’re doing clearing sessions, body clearing, mental emotional clearings. It shifts when you’re learning new scripts, new ways to think. So there’s multiple ways in which we’re shifting our energy so that it has a higher frequency of vibration and it maintains that state of vibration. Because all things that we feel good in our life respond to a higher frequency. All things that cause discomfort respond to lower frequencies, and that’s true in our relationships.

Couple announcements before I get into the questions. Some of you have asked about the 2019 healing, the calendar for the guided healing plans. Once we wrap this one up this week, we’ll have some free time here for you to revisit some plan you’ve done, go back to pieces or parts once you’ve gone through a plan. You can access any week of it, any piece of the content to now support yourself. And you can also have exploratory time to do single sessions. There’s a lot of single sessions you probably don’t even know are in the Healing Center because the next group supported healing plan will start March 11th. And it’s a brand new plan that I just finished all the…we produced the video, all the content before the year ended and then I had to write all the instructional, the copy and everything that goes up on the site.

And that gets all edited, all the parts and pieces that play into this. But it’s the life healing plan for living your life purpose. So that’s a three-week plan. It’s very powerful and I hope you’ll all join us for that because I’ll give you one hint about your life purpose. That I’m gonna be filming a YouTube video right after tonight’s coaching call, how to clear the blocks that are interfering with you living your life purpose because the truth of it is your life purpose should find you. It finds you. It manifests effortlessly in your life. It’s you finding it. It finds you, you find it kind of collaborative experience. It’s quite beautiful as you follow the energy and things form and materialize and shape and morph in your life to put you in your life purpose, it’s really powerful and most of the things that are blocking you from experiencing that are generational. It’s not even your stuff. Really?

I mean, like so good for you because one of your life purposes apparently is to do this healing work because you’re doing it. So you’re already living it right now, this moment by playing the role of a healer in your family system and they may thank you, they may not. But on a spirit level, they’re cheering you on. I feel that for my family members, although never once in my life that they said, “Hey, pull my children now.” They’re not my siblings or standard family that say, “Hey, thanks for doing all that healing work.” Success story, Becky shared with us. I recently read some posts on here about how some haven’t felt any different. Oh, I didn’t tell you where to get the calendar. I’m just pitching the healing plan. Kristine put a link in the comment then on your own you can find it in unit one here on the Facebook page. If you ever want to resource that and say, “What do they got planned?”

And you’ll see it’s not the entire year yet. We’ll put that out just the next few months coming up so you can see what we’ve got going on. Next is March 11th, the life purpose plan. Unit one, there’s a link to the page on the website that houses that. And then if you go to the website, go all the way to the footer. I think it’s on…correct me if I’m wrong, Kristine, but is it on caroltuttle.com? Because we’ve got two URLs. We’ve got “Heal with Carol” that puts you on the homepage of the Healing Center. And then caroltuttle.com. I think it’s at the footer very, very bottom. You can see a link to it at caroltuttle.com. So for where it is permanently, you’ll find it there. Back to the success story that Becky shared.

This will support those that asked what to do if you are stuck or how do I know if this is working? I recently read some posts on here about how some haven’t felt any different after doing several clearings and some may have even gone through a whole program without noticing a shift. I want to share my experience. I felt like this too. I read everyone’s aha moments or making feeling the shift. I hadn’t experienced these things. I kept wondering what was I doing wrong? And thought, “Why do things always work for everyone else but not for me?” Bam. There was my aha moment, I asked what to do when I carried the belief of it works for everyone else but not for me. It was suggested I do the clearing walk and I did it. I said something to the effect of, “It works for everyone including me.” Here’s some of the resistance that came up.

Yeah, the clearing walk, you put in your hand, one hand the truth. It works for everyone and it works for me. And then you see what shows up as a resistance energy in the form of a statement in the other hand. So her resistance statements that came up were you’re not special or unique if it works for you too. You won’t get as much attention if it works for you. I also sensed some martyr energy inside of me. For those of you who haven’t felt a shift or had aha moments keep at it. I wanted to share this in hopes that it would help others on their journey. I love that she got that on her own. That was something I had to when I had my private practice and clients would come in after three, four weeks of doing sessions with me and they say it’s not working, I knew. I’m like, “Well, you have a belief that it works for everyone else but not for you.” And we would include that in the clearing and I loved it. The clearing walk, you’re able to reveal because there’s not…I’ve not filled in the blank for you, you’re able to reveal to yourself what it is that you block.

In Becky’s case, there was some value of it not working. She got attention. She got to be the victim. She got to feel bad about things and feel sorry and felt that people might support her more in that space. So she didn’t really want it to work, at least during her childhood. Again, a flawed formula that will then interfere with your results here. So great feedback from Becky. Thank you for sharing that. “How do we clear all the energy but keep those people from our past at a distance? For example, in the changing the scripts plan, I was reluctant to give new scripts to people for fear that I would be opening myself back up to relationships I’m no longer interested in having. I had visions of receiving phone calls from family members that I have distanced myself from. I want to heal, of course. But there are some people that I don’t want to expose myself to again.” Well, then put it in their script. Put it in their script. Do not bother. Let’s say your name is Sally. I am never calling Sally unless I change. Put it in your script. That’s okay.

Yeah, I think you have a misunderstanding that these scripts are all meant to be. We all love Kumbaya scripts. We all love and we’re close. We’re getting together and woo-woo. It’s like, no, some people may never change and they may be toxic for you to deal with. And if it’s a relationship, parent relationships are a little tricky. Sibling relationships you have more choices. I mean, you have choices with all of them. Yeah, with children, there’s just sort of levels of relationships you have to decide the value, the plus, the minus of how much contact you want to have, but you can put that on your script. You could say in their script that, “I only interact with Sally when she reaches out to me and it’s always a positive interaction because she’s wanting me to show up in a positive way for her.” You can get really specialized and intricate in what you’re saying in these scripts.

And it’s interesting to me that you showed yourself you had some fear. Keep clearing that. What if they did call you, what’s that bring up for you? What’s presenting itself? Or some anger maybe. I don’t know what the emotion that was not coming up for you that you just didn’t want them around so that I wrote this in somebody’s comment on the Facebook group here. I said you get to a place where you’re not triggered by him anymore and they’re not necessarily…they’re not disturbing you emotionally but you just don’t have any common points of interest or worldviews that you share or you find them to be value to your life in your relationship that they bring value to you. So that’s a good enough reason to just say I will have minimal contact with certain especially family members based on my terms and I heard that was the case with my father before he passed away. I had minimal contact with him. It was all on my terms and my script for him was he was okay with that. And any interaction I had with him was actually pleasant, as much pleasantry as he could present and it caused no interference in my life. So you can get that specific.

What to do with controlling behaviors or patterns? I have found this to be a problem with many males in my life. We have a belief that males are controlling and so you want to clean that up with you can take any belief and use it with the core belief scrambler, I am I am. You can even say I am I am males are controlling. I am I am not males are controlling. Now that’s got to trace back to your childhood. Where is the evidence in your childhood that men were controlling? Was your father controlling to your mother? Was it just the more old school stereotype relationship, the dominance subordinate playing out to that, play out as a controlling scenario for your mother or father. What about your grandparents? How far back does this go? So you want to clean up the old energy that’s in your family system and there is a clearing session for control I’m pretty sure.

You know I always go on to the website. Actually, I’m there right now. I clicked over while I’m talking to you. And I search on the very top of the Menu bar on the right. There is a magnifying glass and I can put in this word “control” and see what comes up. A clearing session for blame and control. That’s right. It’s this week. It’s in your session work for week two, the relationship plan. So make sure you do that. So you can always search for specific support sessions by putting in any word. I recently discovered that both my mother-in-law and my husband are narcissists. Most psychologists agree that narcissists don’t change for the better, they just get more sneaky. I’m super overwhelmed with sadness and not sure where to go from here. Yeah, there’s levels of narcissism. There’s really chronic levels that can be…it’s a function of the brain. And in your case, if your husband, your mother-in-law is…that’s in my opinion, I’m having minimal contact. I had minimal contact with my mother-in-law and she wasn’t intrusive or toxic, but there just wasn’t a connection there. So it was a polite, pleasant relationship that I didn’t seek out a lot of interaction with. But you guys, it’s a different story.

And so you’ve got to be able to step it up what role’s he playing for you to help you learn how to use your voice and set boundaries. And again, what’s going on with him. Anybody can change. Your brain can change. You can change, it’s just their…they don’t necessarily see motivation to change. So write a new script. Use the script session that you have in your relationship plan and then also…this is a little trick I use when people aren’t seeing their own issues and they’re projecting them, you know how you do mirror woman or Plexiglass? Some called it plexiglass person. There are men in this experience, we just don’t hear from them that often. So when you surround yourself with a barrier, I have you use symbolism and metaphor in your imagery.

Well, imagine putting a mirror in front of their face like…and they have to see their stuff. It’s getting magnified and projected back to them causing discomfort. Because if you study Dr. Amen’s work, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” which I highly recommend. He talks about narcissism and there is a brain health issue and your brain can get healthier. The brain changes and as we work with it, it can shift. So those are two things I gave you. What are you learning? What are you meant to learn? What are your lessons? And being able to speak up and be true to yourself and set boundaries. And then the mirror in front of his face, change scripts. Those are actually three things, four things in Dr. Amen’s book. Learn about it. Learn about what can be changed because you’re giving…you just bought into that.

You totally bought into that, “I’m powerless and sad,” which is telling me how many times did you feel this, that same feeling when you were a child that you just gave up, quit, you felt, said, “Nothing can change, I’m stuck. This is the way it’s always going to be. I’m hopeless?” Because that response is familiar to you. And a response you had over and over and over through your growing years. So find that part of you and tell her things can change. I grew up with a mom who had MS. My whole childhood was lived under the heavy cloud of her disease. Couldn’t make noise. Was warned, “Don’t upset your mother, it will make her worse.” Honestly, do not know who I was as a child. I don’t know how to find out. Can you heal me? Well, that would the healing plan for childhood with me and that will help you discover who you are and free that inner child up to now live its truth in the energy of you.

For those of us who have spent our lives giving to others at the expense of ourselves and our needs, how can we begin to know ourselves and discover our identity, our needs, and wants in life? When you’re doing that as you’re in here doing that clearing session for people pleasing will help you with that. Because as you remove the interferences and blocks, it’s a natural by-product to have that truth, to have your intuition guiding you to receive insight and divine guidance. It’s all there. You just have interferences for it. So start with the clearing session and the relationship. We too have the healing plan. It’s a clearing session for people pleasing. The life purpose plan would be very valuable to you. So in your question, how can we begin to know ourselves? Well, keep clearing the interferences, do the healing plans, what’s the next healing plan that you’re drawn to. Finish up the relationship plan that we’re in and keep allowing your truth to present itself and building confidence and trusting it.

“My spouse had an emotional affair three plus years ago and the relationship plan is stirring up old feelings of hurt and pain and not being able to trust anyone. I don’t know if I can ever trust my husband again or if he’s being honest and faithful. We have not been intimate in over three years because I don’t know if I can trust him with my emotions to be loving and caring and faithful.” That’s pretty heavy duty that you’re in lockdown, you’re in emotional and sexual lockdown and nothing is gonna…you’re going to actually create more of what you don’t want, which is provoke…you know, sort of our partners are not meant to take care of our needs but they support us in having our….they offer and contribute to us taking care of our own needs. Do you know what I’m saying? There’s a difference from, “I need you to have sex with me so I feel loved and wanted,” versus, “I know I feel loved and wanted and I enjoy that experience with you that contributes to that knowledge and feeling I already have. You’re giving me a hug. You’re talking honestly with me and being open.”

The fact that you got all this energy in lockdown, it would be more likely to support a partner and going somewhere else to have a connection with somebody because you’re not open, your energy is not open to connect. Our soul chose some heavy duty stuff for us to go through that we can’t come back from, that relationships can heal from. And that would be an active function that you’d be doing this together, not you on your own. If this for me, I would insist that my husband and I get in couples therapy and learn to communicate and get honest and real and talk. How did we get here? What do you need to do? Healing Center is about healing yourself that contributes then to supporting your relationship in healing. Couples therapy can teach some couple skillsets. I teach some really basic, very effective communication skills in “Mastering Affluence.” Where did learn most of that? In different counseling I did over the years with my husband.

And so the fact that you’ve admitted that you’ve not been intimate, so your sexual energies are in lockdown, and you’re not open emotionally. There’s most likely no honest, real raw communication going on here. I’d highly recommend you read “Mastering Affluence” and pay attention to how to create affluence in your relationship. And the part of you that’s holding on to this pain and anger and sadness its being asked for you to heal it. Heal it and create something different and create a new script for your husband because you keep projecting this on him. Again, you’re feeding energy to what you don’t want and you’re more likely to then have to experience it again.

I’ve been doing that relationship plan and my husband found the notebook that I was keeping all my triggers in. And when I got home from work, he proceeded to tell me how I hate home and don’t love him and that there’s no point for us to be married. I tried to show him and told him this is about healing and he told me I was so consumed in healing that I don’t do anything else and that I should go away until I’m whole. Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at that. It’s just we all get that, I admit. I told him I loved him and he said he didn’t trust me, etc. Anyway is this supposed to happen? Am I missing something and now he won’t talk to me? Well, I trust that whatever happens is supposed to happen. Trust there’s a point in it that it’s an opportunity and I had written recently in the Facebook group that you’re talking to his inner child who’s talk is a part of him that’s talking to you and goes on. If one of the support team can put up the link to the coaching call, I taught you how to…yeah, I think it was last…it might have been the last call….to put his inner child in his lap and it’s appropriate for you to validate some of his discomfort and his hurt and start… See, again, if this were me and if I had on my…I’m staying present, I have my healthy communication hat on, and my husband was triggered and he came to me and he started accusing me, I would…the highest level of my showing up, it would sound like this. “You feel that I hate home and I don’t love you.” He’d say, “Yeah, you wrote it…”

“And that’s really upsetting to you?” “Yeah.” And he’d see you’re just inviting him to now trust you to open this up. Reassuring people, the best thing you can do to reassure someone is listen to him and validate empathetic listening. I teach this in “Mastering Affluence.” It’s a pretty old communication tool. I learned it when I was in college, like freshman year in 1977. It’s not new skillsets, but unfortunately not used by many when we’re emotionally processing. See, if you were able to stay emotionally clear, you would have been able to validate since you’re really upset. “I’m sorry, you had to read that. Tell me more. Do you feel heard? Is there anything else you’d like to say?” And then see, once someone is heard, they will actually calm down because now they feel like they’re listening. They’re validating how I’m feeling.

They’re seeing this and say, “I’d like to share what my process is and that’s really not. It’s old stuff. It’s old and I just I want to be free of it because it causes interference that I don’t want because I really love you and want a healthy relationship with you and it’s just interferences. And is there anything I can do to support you right now?” And say, ” I’m really committed to my healing work. Have you felt…” Then learn more about that he’s saying that you should go away till you’re whole and say, “Are you feeling…” Yeah. Again, it’s not your job to make sure he doesn’t feel neglected. It’s like it triggers him, you can validate that’s how he’s feeling without having to take responsibility for it. Those are two very different things, very different things. And say, “So you feel that neglected when I’m doing all this healing work?”

That’s the inner child feeling that way but it’s not your job to fix it. You’re just listening and supporting what’s going on for him right now, okay? So make sure you read “Mastering Affluence.” It’s going to back up everything I say. There’s $10 purchase price for all Healing Center members. Super good deal. So make sure you get that book, okay? Opportunity presenting here. This could be an opportunity for you to grow closer as a couple with what you do with this. “Is everything that is going wrong in my relationship my fault? For example, summer 2017, my husband told me we didn’t have enough money for my side of the family budget and he shorted me $1,500 because sales were bad. Then a couple of months later sales were good, but he didn’t feel he should give me the money he shorted me because that was in the past but bought an expensive bike for himself. This type of pattern keeps repeating. What do I do?”

Take “the Money Cure” when we release it in May or in the meantime, you can start working with healing your… There’s a couple of things going on. If it’s around money primarily, both of you have money issues and the fact that there’s this sort of your money, my money thing going on, there’s a certain level of lack of trust in the relationship. My husband and I did not have your money, my money, we have our money. We trust each other. We actually create more money by coming together in our energy jointly. But I address all that in “the Money Cure.” We will have a special price for Healing Center members because it is a separate platform, different website, different Facebook group because it’s a very 30-day intensive experience that’s incredibly valuable to shift your energy with money. And I created before I had the Healing Center and we’ve chosen to this point keep it as its own experience. So you will be getting a discount offering on that, though, when that presents itself. We’ll be enrolling people. It opens up in April. I think mid to later April because we start in May. And we take the whole month of May and go through this because there is stuff for you.

No, I mean, that’s a belief. If you’re being told that anytime something shows up like that, say this is how simple it is, everything that is going wrong in my relationship is my fault. Okay? So do clearing on that. You’re being blamed. And if that’s the case, write a new script. There’s a lot of things you could do with this but you’re showing yourself a deeper belief you have that for some reason, you’re the one to blame. Did you take the blame when you were a kid? Where did this come from? Where is this pattern presenting from? Because this is your belief. It doesn’t mean it’s true, it means the belief is there and it’s presenting itself to you.

“I would like to help in clearing running my parents’ relationship in my own. I have a very supportive partner but I feel I’m playing out or responding to things like I saw my parents do in their relationship. I’m not the same type as my mom but I seem to respond to things like I observed her do in her relationship with my dad, male is dominant, female is subordinate. It feels yucky.” In this week do the energy shift in your relationship. You could do some energy sketching on that so that you both are seeing a sketch in the dominant-supportive. You’d have the male is the large stick figure, you’d be the small one and you want to make yourself the same size, standing on the same plane of awareness, figure eights between each other. The healing plan should be addressing a lot of this, the clearing for dysfunctional family patterns. That’s all about parents stuff. Use that again and write new scripts. So you’ve got all the tools, use them to address these issues.

Hey, let’s open that session up for live questions and any comments that people have made, Kristine, that you would want me to share on the show. Okay, first, let’s see. Ahas. Joe shared, “In 2018, one of my biggest breakthroughs was when I realized mom’s higher self is very glad I’m doing this healing work. Even though her current self doesn’t like the boundaries I’ve set with her. It’s been very healing to know her higher self wants me to keep going.” Melissa shared, “Carol, I’m so grateful for all the healing you are offering us. Really, it’s so generous of you. A wonderful life-enhancing value.” Thank you. Aha, for me from Mary, “I didn’t realize I was a people pleaser to get love. I had no idea why I always try to do everything my mom told me. I was trying to get love. I also realized now I’m trying to get love and acceptance from others. I’m going to nurture my inner child now anytime I feel compelled to do what others are asking of me.” It’s a good insight.

I’m just waiting for these to come in. “Regarding the two-step process for not taking on other people’s energy what if you don’t have confidence that the other person will be able to work through it? Also, they seem to try to make their emotional needs someone else’s responsibility. And by not accepting that, it seems to aggravate them more. What advice do you have?” Well, you have some emotion tied up into this because it’s your emotion that keeps you from changing your point of view or your perception of someone. So there’s probably anger there. So doing a clearing session for anger. That you’re angry at them. If this is the case, that anger perpetuates the perception you have because it’s very…I talked about this in “Remembering Wholeness.” That’s an awesome book to read as well. As a Healing Center member that it’s very difficult to change the thinking mind when we have emotion that’s provoking uncomfortable old emotion that’s then propelling these perceptions. You can’t change your mind when that emotion is so strong so you got to clean up the emotion that’s there.

I want to do “the Money Cure” but I don’t want to miss out our group activities. Would it be okay to do “the Money Cure” along with the life purpose plan? “The Money Cure” and “Life Purpose Plan” are happening at the same time. Or will the life purpose plan take care of my ongoing money challenges? Money is way easier, by the way, but I’m not there yet. Now there are two different timelines. March is the “Life Purpose Plan.” “The Money Cure” is in May. No conflict there. “I realized as much as I want to be in a relationship and will it into my life, I also have a belief that I don’t want to obtain it until I’m perfect. I hold myself back by limiting my thinking and not paying attention, maybe even ignoring when the light turns green, how do I get past this. I mean, I realized as much as I want to be in a relationship and will it into my life, I also have believed that I don’t want to obtain it until I’m perfect. I hold myself back by limiting my thinking and not paying attention.”

So I guess you’re not paying attention and opportunities are showing up. I’m not sure what you’re not paying attention to, or maybe then ignoring when the lights turn green. And make sure you write things so it’s really clear for me to understand what you’re referencing. So exactly what you’re feeling and thinking. My hit on you is that that’s a scapegoat. I don’t think the real issue is until you’re perfect because I think most adults would know that’s unreasonable nor unnecessary. So what’s the real fear there? Losing yourself, being hurt again, rejection, somebody controlling you. To me, that’s the mind coming up with an idea of what it’s about when it’s really not about that. What’s the real issue? So a way to get to that deeper issue is to…it’s kind of like the inner child that doesn’t want anything to do with a relationship and is going, “Yeah, she thinks it’s because she’s not perfect. I stay in charge here. I’m the point of power that prevents this from ever happening.”

You know, your 12-year-old is like win and out, going. “Hehehe. You know, I don’t want to admit or scare you. I don’t want anything to do with men.” So she can just think it’s because she needs to be perfect when anybody now you’re going to have issues in a relationship that’s going to make you a better person if you deal with them, honestly. So what’s the real issue? So I’ve finished the sentence about 10 times. “The real reason I don’t want to be in a relationship is because…” and if you say, “I’m scared,” now you take that one and say, “Well, I’m scared because…” then you say, if it says, “I’m scared because I feel like I’ll be hurt.” Or, “I believe I’ll be hurt because…” to see how you take the next…the answer to that, fill in the blank on the next one. You keep going deeper and deeper and deeper with it and you get down to the real, real issue. So try that.

Let us know how it goes. I love updates, everybody loves updates when you can tell us in the Healing Center an update, “Carol answered my question. The issue she helped me with was this is the change I’m experiencing.” So connect what it is you presented in the coaching call so we know what you’re talking about and then your update. So if I help you in this platform, make sure you give us your updates because we love to hear success stories. “I find the six-step process for clearing relationship upsets tedious and hard to do consistently. Is it necessary to do daily? Do I have to write everything out like it prompts?” No, you’re only doing that til you memorize it so it becomes a habit. If that one is a habit, it’s automatic. See there, the story of the woman that…the girl who presented the issue of the spouse reading the journal.

There is an example of that could have been a really huge big blowout and with, “What are you doing reading my journal?” And how dare you? You’ve broken my trust,” and blame, blame, blame, blame, both parties blaming. Where the six-step process allows you to go, “All right, I’m not gonna say anything. I’m gonna go within and connect with this emotion and excuse myself. And I’m gonna find out what part of me is presenting.” Because that level of emotion, you tapped into something that’s happened much earlier in your life that’s provoking you to now react. And so, yeah, it’s tedious till you learn to do it. Okay? So learn to do it and make it a habit in your relationship. My husband I have…we’re not 100% on it, emotion is a powerful enroller. You get rolled pretty quick in the reacting and blaming and…and you don’t get anywhere when you’re both flooded with emotion. But we have learned to say, “I’m gonna take care of myself and what I’m feeling right now and I’d like to work this out with you when we’re both clear.” And we go do those processes.

“How can everything be one person’s fault? It’s a relationship, a co-creation.” You’re creating everything. Read, “Remembering Wholeness.” I’m a firm believer that I create everything in my life. Everybody plays roles and parts and it’s all showing up perfectly for me. And, yeah, my husband and I are co-creating but we’re very powerful to enroll each other. We’ll even say to each other….my husband said to me, “It’s interesting how you perceive me and that you’re projecting that on me, what if you were to see me differently? You’re looking at me through this lens.” I’m like, “Ah.” When you have your children, you’ve raised them with this information. I teach this in “Remembering Wholeness,” and then your children say, “Mom, why are you creating me to be that way?” And I’m like, “Oh, man. Yeah, there’s accountability on both sides.”

You’d be amazed what you could shift on your own. We’ve had a lot of Healing Center members report stories of using energy sketches, changing the scripts and their partners completely morphing before their eyes, going, “What just happened? Are they even the same person? I don’t know it even sounds the same.” So yes, there is that when you’re both…John and I now have come to a point of awareness in our partnership that we co-create our relationship. We had to do a lot, a lot, a lot of personal healing work on our own to get to a place where now we’re creating. You’re talking about two different things. There’s healing and there’s creating. On the healing side of things, look at everything. It’s your manifestation and you have the power to change it. And the co-creating in our relationship, yes, that would be the ideal. Both people are choosing a conscious to be consciously aware of their powers of creation and they’re involved in participating in the act of co-creating their experience together. That would be wonderful.

That’s what I teach you how to do and how to create affluence in your relationship in “Mastering Affluence.” I teach you how to do that in there. It starts with you owning your experience. “What you said about the real reason is such a good idea. I want to make a decision about having more kids and it is terrifying and I think I want to do that list. Any other suggestions?” I’ve given you all kinds here today. Honestly go with what I’ve given you, do that first. “Occasionally, I see my husband and I playing out patterns that I saw in his parents, which I hated.” Okay, that’s a pretty strong word “hated.” So that’s telling you something right there, you have a real emotional charge on that. “Should I clear my generational stuff or his stuff? I’m clearing my own issues but when I see these things pop up, I cringe.”

Yeah, you can include that too. Do it. If someone can shift the energy, go for it. That’s the power you have. Let us know how that goes. I mean, what starts materializing, you’re all just held in this old energy. If somebody steps in and cleans it up, you’re both freed up. Good for you. Women are very powerful. I teach a metaphor of the experience of Adam and Eve in “Mastering Affluence” and the power of women and leading the sort of the spiritual advancement of humanity and that waking up. The birthing and evolution of mankind is truly in a woman’s court and she’s the point of power for that but because of this old energy of men have all about the dominant males-subordinate females traditional cultural stereotype, a lot of women are not consciously owning that and it’s like, “Ladies, we have a ton of power. Use it to shift your experience. Birth something new. You have the birthing energy. Birth what you want.”

Let’s see. A couple more on ahas. Barbara, “Highly recommend ‘Mastering Affluence.’ My family, adult children, husband, and my sister and I are all doing it together for the second time. We discuss as a group once a week on video chat and it’s been amazing. Loving doing the Healing Center guided plans, it helps me stick to it daily. Thank you, Carol, for your family’s perspective.” Jane shares, “My heart just sank. It’s not about being perfect, it is being scared.” Ohh, now I know who wrote that. “I’m watching away my home but lots of connecting and work to do when I got home.” Oh, I see what she said. So she’s not home right now but she got a big breakthrough. “Thanks, Carol, for saying like it is.” Yeah, well, that’s one of my gifts. I can look at your energy and go, “Well, this is what’s really going on.” So I do do that in the group. I’ve had some chances to do that in the past week, which I appreciate people. I figure if you’re there, you’d probably want to hear. If you’re asking, I’ll give you my two cents if it has value at that time.

So now I want to talk about…okay, last aha, then we’re going to get to some coaching I have for you tonight. “I’m creating everything, that’s my biggest aha doing this plan. So much projection and blame. When I recognize this and own it, my experience with my husband changes into loving and positive almost immediately.” That’s really, really nice. Glad you’re seeing that. I’ll be driving home at times, this is when I was starting to practice this years ago, probably 20 years ago and I had a belief at the time I have to do everything myself. That was really potent for me. I still have little tinglings in that at times I have to notice and go, “Oh, there it is again.” Because once that’s true in my childhood. Yeah, I was really pretty much on my own as a kid. You know, I didn’t have supportive guiding parents. They just didn’t parent that way. They were two wounded and that’s been operating, to a certain degree it served a great blessing because I’ve done a lot of things in the experience of the culture that we’re sort of ahead of their time to help progress people’s awareness and I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I didn’t have a strong sense of doing my own thing and relying on myself trusting that.

The other side of it was there’d be the, she’d come home, this is a simple example, you’d come home…this was during my raising my children years and all my kids were still living at home. My husband, maybe I was gone for Saturday and it would be typical. You know, the old experience would have been you go home and dinner is not made, the house is a mess, and nothing is gotten done. And you go in and go, “Oh, why doesn’t anybody like…” especially as a type three. You’re just like frustrated and said, “All depends on me. Why do I have to do this all myself? And why can’t these people show up and support the whole process as a family?” So I’d be driving home from something and I’ve been gone several hours, let’s say, on a Saturday, and I would project out there and say, “I’m going to walk in and dinner is going to be made and everyone is gonna have their jobs done. And I’m going to go in and say, ‘Wow, this is so amazing. You guys are always just so on top of things, and I’m going to have a whole different response.”

Guess what would happen? Yep. I’ll send thought bombs into my husband’s thought stream to like, you know, help him things that are honoring. I don’t wanna take advantage of the guy, you know, and say…I’ll just say, “John is being really nice to me and kind,” because that’s something that’s very important to me in a relationship. If you saw him when I interviewed him a few weeks ago on my Facebook Live show, we each shared things that we care deeply about in our relationship that mean a lot to us. And when it’s absent, we really notice it. His is just tender touch and affection, physical affection, and mine is kindness. We both lacked that in our childhood. And so, you know, I can influence that by believing he’s very kind to me. And then I can drop the energy of kindness into his energy and he could do this if watches this and start doing that for me. He’s been doing the plan so he’s in on everything I’m saying. So you have a lot of power to influence our best selves showing up. Because ultimately, we’re amazing human beings that are just with a ton of interference that’s causing the dysfunction.

You know, this past week on the Facebook group, we had a conversation about sexual intimacy. And I responded and I shared some things that were personal. You can go back and read that. Janice actually posted it. And she was asking about how she could increase her libido and her interest in having a sexual experience. And I said I would share some things on tonight’s coaching call. And I’m going to now move into that. So for the rest of the session, I’m going to share my insights on where that fits in a healthy relationship and I have a treat for you tonight. We have a second home in Hawaii and I’ve been here for…I’m here for six weeks and its entirety of this trip and I am writing my next book, a good portion of it while I’m here. I’ll get about 78% of it done while I’m here.

I’ll be able to finish it up pretty soon right after I get home. And I’m writing. It’s called “Seven Steps to Awakening: Modern Day Lessons of the Seven Chakras.” And I’m going to read from you something I wrote yesterday from the second chakra section, which is a creation energy that incorporates your sexual energy and you’ll find it very interesting. So that will be our healing activity for this call tonight. First, I want to say that when it comes to your sexual intimate relationship, it is a byproduct of a healthy relationship where communication, open, honest, genuine, kind communication on a regular basis is a staple. That’s what builds trust. Women need to feel they can emotionally trust their partner. Communication feeds that trust. Now men tend to need that less, but we’re moving into an era on our planet where we’re all needing that to open ourselves up.

Women, especially as our sexual organs are all internal, to open our inner self to our partner, we have to feel there’s this like an emotional connection that needs to occur that will open up the more intimate spaces of our body. You know, a lot of men don’t understand that. It’s your opportunity to educate them what creates an opportunity for you to feel sexually attracted to your partner. So it’s kind of like if you were to, let’s say, you want to run a marathon, which I’ve done numerous times in my life, you don’t just go sign up and run the marathon. You build up towards it. You work, you apply yourself, you do a lot of training runs, you do a lot of other supportive things psychologically. And I used tapping to…I tapped while I ran to clear all my limiting beliefs about my ability to not be able to do this. And I opened myself up on many levels to be able to successfully do that, run my first marathon in 2001. You know, I’m going to compare a great you really being at a functional healthy, just a very pleasing level with your sexual experience with yourself and with your partner.

Well, that’s like the marathon. There’s a lot of other things you’ve got to do first to get there to be able to really actually achieve that. What you’re doing in the Healing Center is in the relationship plan is foundational to achieving that experience of a very high functioning, healthy sexual relationship. Those are all prerequisites, what you doing, clearing, healing your emotional self. You got to learn to communicate. I have those support tools in “Mastering Affluence.” You might need some couples therapy to get you talking. And you might need to work with a sex therapist to get you educated about your body. And as a female, how it functions and what actually you…you know, it’s funny how libido and sexual orgasm and all that is sort of just taken as something you should be. It’s like it’s a byproduct of a healthy body, a healthy system.

And a lot of times in our sexually messed up world, your body has to be educated how that functions. You gotta learn. You’ve gotta learn the mental steps to then apply them in your life, both sort of what do you need to learn by yourself and your own self-exploration and how your body works, and then learn how to do that in your partner relationship and educate your partner. There’s a lot of learning here. We’ve kind of been mythed. The myth is by the media, these things should all just plug in and snap. They don’t. They don’t. There’s a lot of coaching of yourself, working together in a partnership, talking about it.

If you can’t talk about your sexual experience together and you aren’t able to do that on a regular basis, really, honestly, you don’t even have the opportunity to work it out when you’re ready to progress with it. There will not be progression. You’ve got to at least start the communication first around it. And what I’m going to read to you now and I am going to open it up for a few more questions after if this is presented any, that I can address, but I’m going to read to you now a section from my upcoming book and right now we’ve got it projected to be published in the fall. And that will be more things coming online as a result of that too. The book is the first order of business I need to get done.

So yesterday I was writing in the second chakra, and in the book I’m writing about what I call the old energy, what we created, the old energy creations of the chakra system, because the whole concept of the book is we’re shifting and the chakra energy is evolving, expanding, and supporting us in creating new experiences of a higher level of consciousness. So I talk about the old energy which is a lot about your religious shaming, sexual abuse, using sex for power control, making women objective, men needing sex to feel loved and wanted. It’s like all the misuse of this energy. And so then I talked about the new energy, what is it that we have an opportunity with the new energy of the second chakra?

And I have a section I’m going to read to you called “How important is your sexual energy?” If you were sexually abused, assaulted, bullied, and/or shamed by religious references that sex is bad or have been alive on the planet for more than 10 years, having been influenced by modern day media, or come from a line of women or men in your ancestral line that experienced any of this, you have sexual wounds. Yep, pretty much everyone, including men. Men who were not held or touched enough in their infancy and toddler years come into their adult life subconsciously believing that sex is love. That sexual intimacy is the number one indicator that they are wanted in an effort to fill an unmet need that they are loved and wanted by the primary women in their life.

When mothers do not give this to their sons, the adult female partner gets enrolled by the man’s wounded inner child to help make up the difference. It never works. And it only sets a woman up to feel the old energy of all I’m wanted for is sex. The new energy of the second chakra is about sexual ownership and freeing the energy up from all the other emotional jobs it has been given for men and women. Women get to heal the abuse, shame, used energy and men get to heal the need, dominance and control energy that sexual energy has been enrolled to play out. If we were to interview sexual energy about what it wants to support us with, the conversation would go something like this. Interviewer: “Hello, Sex. You’ve been playing a lot of roles in humanity with your energy being used for so many functions that seem to be unhealthy and not serving us anymore. How do you feel about that?”

Sexual Energy: “You’re right. It’s nice that humans are evolving so my energy can be used for more creative pleasures, including sexual intimacy, and quite honestly, for all creations that have the potential to be birthed into the world.” Interviewer: “What do you mean by all creations being birthed as a result of your energy influencing them?” “My energy is a creation, energy. All things start as an idea and then the idea needs to be born into the world become an object or an experience. I work very closely with the sixth chakra, where the ideas come from, then they are sent to me down the chain of the chakra energy for me to put my energy behind to create a drive in the person to take action and start to move into form in the physical world, the materialization of the idea.” Interviewer: “That is so fascinating. I didn’t realize that the chakras worked in partnership with each other. Can you tell me more about that?”

Sexual Energy: “Sure. The root creation and power chakras number one through three are the energy centers that influence the physical world. The heart chakra, number four, is the bridge to the upper chakras, throat, intuition, and crown chakras, number five through seven. The root chakra partners closely with the throat chakra, standing and speaking your truth. The creation chakra works closely with the intuitive chakra, birthing the ideas that come from inspiration. And the power chakra works closely with the crown chakra using your personal power for good as you receive power from on high.” “That is fascinating. How do you know so much about the entire chakra system?” Sexual Energy: “I am the creation chakra. It’s my job to make sure all the energy is flowing and moving. I’m like a command center for the entire system. Interviewer: “You have a very important job. What happens when you are weak, dysfunctional, or blocked?”

Sexual Energy: “If my energy is weak and blocked, nothing works to your potential in your life. You compromise, but tell yourself it’s not that bad, things could be worse. Where my energy is dysfunctional and on overdrive, you are just fixated on sex and needing more sex to feel alive, which is too narrow a focus for what my energy is meant to influence.” Interviewer: “What does it look like if your energy is healthy and balanced doing the job it’s designed to do?” Sexual Energy: “First, you have a positive and healthy experience with your sexual experience. You take care of your body and know your body’s sexual prompts and what pleasures you and you create positive, healthy experiences with sex that bring you pleasure. You have open and honest communication about your sexual experience with your partner and see the proper role it plays in your relationship as a fun and pleasurable activity. Like so many pleasurable activities you create together.

You are in tune with and receiving inspiration from your intuitive chakra about ideas, opportunities, and experiences you want to create and birth in your life. You feel a drive to take action on these ideas and have a passion for the process of creation and birthing and seeing things materialize as a result of your efforts. You learn and grow in this process and continue to expand and explore who you are in the creation process. You know, there is no bad experience or failure. And what you pursue, as you know it is all a process of learning.” Interviewer: “Thank you for your insights and knowledge you have shared.” Sexual Energy: “You’re welcome. It’s my “pleasure” to help you.”

So, as you can see by what I’ve shared, there’s a much bigger role for this energy. And when you get lost in this sort of narrow view of this energy, it feels off. So I’d invite you as a follow up now because this relationship plan is not about having better sex. It’s about building a foundation that supports you in coming into that. And you want to create that healthier relationship. And so when the sexual energy, whether it’s a feeling of resistance, neediness for it, anger, whatever it is, look into that energy, talk to ask it what’s it really wanting? Are you pursuing creative endeavors in your life so this energy gets expressed more fully, so it blossoms and grows, which then helps create balance, so it’s not just narrowly thinking it’s for your sexual experience? Are you working on the pieces of your relationship to support a healthy sexual experience together? Because if you’re not, that’s a false expectation to think that’s going to be really pleasurable.

I like what I wrote and honestly, this just comes through me. It’s just how it showed up. I started writing. I asked a question and I wrote the answer. I like how sexual energy it taught me. It reinforced something I’ve been aware of for many years that sex has been given too big of a job in relationships. It really wants to be held in a space of being a healthy experience that adds pleasure to your experience of yourself, with yourself, your body, with each other, supporting each other and that and there’s a lot of things you do together. They create pleasurable physical experiences together and not the ultimate piece of it. So what anyone…I’d love to hear any comments, anything, any ahas you’ve had from hearing that. And, yeah, I was really pleased with that. Well, now again it said it to me, “Sexual Energy was having the fun.” I’m like, “Okay, that’s really clever.”

So there you go. Take it off that. The more power you give to it to cause angst in your relationship, that it has to be a certain way or you’re falling short, whatever it is, it doesn’t want that role. And you work on a lot of other stuff to help you, may it improve that experience in your life. So make sure you do week two of the healing plan. Like finish up the healing plan. There’s a lot of tools in there and then we’ll keep the Facebook group going. We have some time then to do your individual work. Go back to a plan that you’ve done. Go to single session work and the March 11th is when we release and open the healing plan for living your life purpose. Then our next coaching call as a part of that plan, I’ll check that out real quick here, I think it’s March 19th. Yep, four weeks from now we’ll have our next slide coaching call because, yeah, it’ll be the starting of the second week of the “Life Purpose Plan.” Thanks for tuning in everyone.

We’ll wrap it up now and keep following the energy and what you’re meant to do. Thanks for your participation on tonight’s live coaching call. It’s my pleasure to support you. I love doing these here. It’s something I truly enjoy being able to share the awareness and skillsets that I have for you in creating a life of affluence, ease, and joy. I’ll talk to you soon.

Glossary: Energy Healing Terms & Meanings

This glossary defines energy healing terms and techniques, to help you feel more confident in your healing knowledge. Each definition also includes the link to an in-depth resource you can access by joining The Carol Tuttle Healing Center. As you watch the Basics Guide, you can look up unfamiliar terms at any time.

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